DNA

 Dear Dad,

There is so much I wish I could talk to you about.  We started down this path of figuring out why you are more than 40% Jewish (or why I am 23% Jewish).  Now that we've started, I so wish we had done all this while you were still here.  You wouldn't believe where it has led us...or maybe you would...mom wonders how much your parents told you when they had that conversation with you about your lineage that left you feeling so upset.  So many questions and so few answers.  This is all exciting, confusing, frustrating, amazing, and a little(sometimes a lot) sad.  

After I got my DNA results that confirmed our Jewish heritage, Tina reached out to Marianne and Kenney. asking if it was possible that you had a different father than your siblings.  Not really expecting any sort of confirmation, we were shocked when Tina got a phone call from Kenney telling her that Grandma Kurki confessed to Britta before she died, that Grandpa Kurki wasn't your biological father...that Grandma was already pregnant when Grandpa got home from the war...that he forgave her and agreed to raise you as his own.  I COULD NOT BELIEVE THIS WAS TRUE.  I couldn't believe Grandma had kept this from you her entire life...even more, I couldn't believe that Britta knew, and didn't tell you for almost 20 years.  

I keep wondering how you would feel about all this.  I know you loved your family....and that would not change.  But would you search for your biological father?  Would you be upset that Britta didn't tell you?  Would you still feel like a Kurki?  Would you be sad?  It just breaks my heart to think about you being hurt or sad.  I have had all the feelings about this.  I have been upset, angry, frustrated, confused, shocked, betrayed, worried etc.  I wonder how Grandpa felt.  I know he loved you as his own.  There was absolutely no difference between how he treated you compared to how he treated your siblings.  I guess that's part of the reason no one had any idea about any of this.

And the story doesn't end there.  There was a suggested 2nd cousin that showed up on my ancestry account through your line.  Just one.  Should I reach out?  Is there any possible way there could be any answers?  I was hesitant...but something pushed me to do it (maybe it was you).    I sent a quick message to Ruben ???.  I did not expect him to respond the very next day.  And thus started me down this rabbit hole to find Salomon Borenstein...your possible biological father.  The man who passed away 30 years ago.  From certain angles, his picture looks so much like you...so much so, that I found myself sitting in a parking lot, staring at these pictures and crying my eyes out.  This man left behind two children, Rita and Ariel.  Ruben is Rita's son--my possible cousin.  

All this is too much.  It's exciting, yet almost unbearably sad.  I miss you.  I wish you could have known your biological father.  I wish your (possible) half-brother and sister could have met you.  They would have loved you.  I feel sad for them.  I feel sad for Grandma and Grandpa.  They lived their entire life with this lie.  But mostly, this all just makes me wish even more that you were still here.  I think about you every day.  I plead with Heavenly Father to let me dream about you.  I keep hoping for a way to communicate with you...to let you know all these things I'm thinking and hear how you feel about it all.  I hope you are in heaven, and that it's a happy place where you know the truth.  A place where you can be with your mom and dad and talk about all this...a place where you can meet your biological father.  I wish you could let me know you're ok and that you still do exist somewhere real.  

All I can do now is hope.  Hope to find answers.  Hope that one day I really will see you again.  Hope that I can feel you near until then.  Hope that the sadness of missing you gets easier to bear.   

Love you, Dad

Love, Anita