Grieving

 Grieving is a strange thing.  At times I feel like I'm just plugging along doing ok, the next minute I'm sitting in my car in a puddle of tears, the next I'm at urgent care with chest pains, the next I'm comforting a friend who is going through something similar.  I will always miss my dad.  I will always wonder what might have been.  I will always have things that remind me of him and bring me to tears.  There will always be events that I wish he didn't have to miss out on.  There will always be people I wish could have met him.  There will always be things I wish I could tell him or ask him.  I don't think any of those things will ever go away and that hurts.  I miss him so much.  I feel so sad that my mom is alone.  Sometimes it feels like too much to bear.  I am grateful for the hope the gospel brings.  I am grateful for my sisters who know how I feel.  I am grateful for my mom.  Every time I call her, I feel better.  I am grateful for Mike and the kids who keep me going.  It's just hard.  Harder than I ever thought it could be.

I bought this necklace for me and all my sisters as a tribute to my dad...and a reminder that we have the strength to get through this.  Once when I called my mom when I was feeling really down, she said "Dad wouldn't want you to be sad".  I know he wouldn't.  I try to think about this when I am feeling sad, and it helps.  Love and miss you so much Dad.