Would've, Should've, Could've

Vulnerable post alert!

 

Last night I drove past our local sports fields.  The air was cool but still comfortable, and the daylight was just starting to turn to night--you know that magical time when everything feels kind of like a dream?  I looked over to the fields where the kids were practicing, instead of the usual football or soccer practice that is common in fall here in WA, I saw a large group of cheerleaders.  They were dressed in pink with fluffy white pompoms, and my heart sank just a little.  

I always wanted to be a cheerleader (and a dancer).  I am sure nobody knows this, because I don't think I've ever told anyone.  I was too scared.  I was too shy to put myself out there, too nervous to let anyone know my silly dreams, and too afraid of failure to even try.  Ugh.  I hate this.

I am now 48 years old.  I have zero desire to be a cheerleader (or a dancer), but my heart breaks for little Anita who was too scared to do what she wanted to do and too shy to be her authentic self.  But honestly, I do sometimes still catch myself letting fear dictate my path forward.  At least most of the time, I tell it to buzz off and do what I want...but it still lives in me.

As I get older, more and more things that I want to do are getting harder or impossible.  As I get closer to my next big birthday (50...gulp) I just want to do it all...as much as I can squeeze into this life! (I am not too adventurous, so some of that includes swinging in the hammock on a beach somewhere or getting a facial haha;))

I like to add to this:  "do it with a broken knee" because that was my mantra all summer.